19 And 18

I recently discovered that a guy I dated eight years ago, for five years, met his now wife of two years nine years ago.

I'll wait...

As edifying as this was, it served as a hard blow that ended with a soft kiss. See for years, I carried around guilt for how things ended. I felt like maybe I was wrong when I couldn't see him as a man that I could marry. Every time he would try to pull me in closer, I would pull away harder. The very thought of our romance going further than our 20's gave me anxiety and I eventually ended it.​​

I knew we weren’t happy. I knew we didn’t have a lot in common. But I loved him…I allowed my thoughts to convince me that he loved me.

And I let it blind me...

However, now that I can see clearly, my path has become plain. Back then, I ignored my authentic self. I didn't see this man for who he was and who he wasn't. All I saw was that I loved him. I didn't see that I would never become me with him... He would have never found what he was looking for, searching for so eagerly, in me.

I could have never gotten here, with someone that I couldn't really see; someone that hid mountains from me that had valleys filled with lies. But something in me saw this person very clearly and I'm here now without him...

I recently discovered that a guy I dated eight years ago, for five years, met his now wife of two years nine years ago... And for the first time in eight years, as it pertains to that relationship, I am thankful.