Time for a change
Here I sit in this new house. A house with high vaulted ceilings, mahogany wood floors, and a winding staircase, yet, I sit here in my dream, hurting, broken, and off course.
Here I sit in this new house. A house with high vaulted ceilings, mahogany wood floors, and a winding staircase, yet, I sit here in my dream, hurting, broken, and off course. How can I have everything I've been working for under my feet, yet still feel battered?
“ Yes the day I moved into this new house, my mother called me out of my name and a few months before that the father of my child decided that child support was asking to damn much...”
Yes the day I moved into this new house, my mother called me out of my name and a few months before that the father of my child decided that child support was asking to damn much, but I am supposed to be pass my past, right? I am supposed to be "the bigger person that swallows my scars and rejects my pain," right? I am supposed to be "the strong one?"
So why then do I sit here, with these bleeding floors underneath my feet, feeling like something is breaking…
I have been the amazing mother to my daughter. I have been the best friend to the cold-hearted. I have given love, traveled the world, smiled, laughed, danced...pretended... Maybe these cold floors are the first reminder I have had, that my scars are not all healed. Maybe this silence awakens a reality that screams you are not okay. Maybe for the first time I have the space to feel and what I am feeling for the first time, in forever, is that this is just not okay.
For the first time, complete with scars and a heavy heart I can feel. I can feel pain, unbearable, and tears uncontrollably. For the first time in forever, I have the time, the liberty, and the quiet to see myself. A lifetime was spent tending to the needs of others, whether it was out of fear, lack of self-love, or neglect, time was never spent loving me. For the first time in forever, I will use my tears to mend my wounds and allow this silence to be my peace. I will use this freedom to help me into my healing.
Dr. Sheika Square
Dr. Sheika Square is an author, business strategist, life coach, prolific speaker and executive consultant with more than 13 years’ experience. Affectionately known for her straight-up, no-fluff coaching approach, Dr. Square gives ambitious entrepreneurs the insight and guidance they need to shift from an aspiring entrepreneur or side hustler to a confident and profitable CEO.